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Trails of Zest 10-28-2010

October 29, 2010 Leave a comment

It’s been a while since I’ve been outside and taken the time to think. Not that I haven’t been outside. It’s just that I’ve not participated in creative and constructive thinking as of late.

It feels more like fall now compared to earlier this month though I’m not an extreme fan of the cooler weather. [The] 70’s are my optimum temperature. I have a lot on my plate lately which seems strange considering that I don’t have a job. I am tasked with the need to find a job and figure out how to pay bills without one. So I freelance in my free time and complete surveys [though these don’t bring me close to the amount needed per month]. My greatest problem however is motivation. I’ve realized that being determined and motivated do not fit together nicely [as many would like to think]. I say this because I’m determined to do something with my time and I do accomplish some things but often I don’t feel motivated. [As if the weight of rejection from another potential job is beginning to take its toll on me mentally]. I feel [at times] that it’s all a waste of time….Understand that this realization comes to me as I sit on the earth of GA looking across to SC. I’m surprised that I feel this way and I do not believe I ever would have realized it sitting in my white walled prison trying to motivate myself.

That’s why it is important to have people around who can motivate you; people who understand your dream and goals and simply will not say “do something else; it’s all money”. I hate that truth for the lie that it is to me. It’s true because the result of the work [performed at the job] is money. However it is a lie because it places me in a job that I will never love [or respect]. I believe if money is the sole reason why you’re pursuing a job or career then you’re a damned fool. [I don’t have other obligations such as kids to be concerned with so the pressure of accepting a job outside of my career is not high].

I’ve known ever since I was in fourth grade that my career path salary was not high on the totem pole yet that never swayed me. I want to love what I do and do what I love….I’ve started rambling I see. A thousand apologies. My pen got carried away…

Before I forget self-motivation is possible though it can only take us so far. It is a necessary strength, however. Perhaps though I shouldn’t call it self-motivation because God motivates me [and reminds me] He’s the reason for my continued sanity [and continued drive to want to succeed]. As I cease writing this I question why I ever felt discouraged in the first place. I realize I just needed to be reminded of a few things. =)

Trail of Zest

October 7, 2010 1 comment

**Originally penned on October 6, 2010 while walking the Augusta Canal Heritage Trail

It does not seem that I’ve upset the Cardinals too much by sitting at this picnic table. Moments before I waltzed over they were fluttering about. Now I just hear them calling at intervals above me. I’ve paused a moment to write because I find that my best thinking is not conducted in the bathroom/john/loo but outside on a trail, walking. Granted that I’m not walking now serves to contradict my earlier statement. However, my valid excuse is that my hand writing is horrible enough when I’m sitting; I’d be a fool to attempt the task while standing!

Today I’ve come to walk the trail paralleling the Augusta Canal. With the completion of my outdoor based job last Thursday, I find that I am experiencing an outdoor deficiency. Also to mention, the white walls of my apartment make me feel that I am in an asylum or prison.

So I sit here in the freedom of the outdoors pen in hand with a myriad of sounds surrounding me [from] water flowing over rocks, geese bantering, crickets chirping, leaves falling and someone striking rock against rock in an effort to make [one of the] piece[s] smaller.

I cannot criticize him for what he’s doing. I’m still shocked to see him out here: young and of Latin descent. Both of which are minorities.

I thought about that (minorities and the outdoors) even before this [very] moment today which undoubtedly adds to my continued shock. I wonder how many minorities are in Natural Resources. How many old or young, male or female, Latin, Asian, or Black [all] born here in America (another topic, another day).

I know the number is small indeed but often I feel like the only minority. I don’t know where else to go to connect with a group of diverse professionals (established or entry-level) without spending money for memberships or finding that a site is hardly used or updated even. on some levels it’s disheartening [but] on others it’s encouraging.

Encouraging like the email I received for a job interview in Louisiana. Encouraging like the career dreams that I hope can contribute, if even a little, to the enhancement of the life of people and wildlife. Simply encouraging.

So I’m thankful today that I was able to come to this trail; thankful for the thoughts transcribed and [those] still embedded in my mind. It is truly wonderful.