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Trails of Zest 10-28-2010

October 29, 2010 Leave a comment

It’s been a while since I’ve been outside and taken the time to think. Not that I haven’t been outside. It’s just that I’ve not participated in creative and constructive thinking as of late.

It feels more like fall now compared to earlier this month though I’m not an extreme fan of the cooler weather. [The] 70’s are my optimum temperature. I have a lot on my plate lately which seems strange considering that I don’t have a job. I am tasked with the need to find a job and figure out how to pay bills without one. So I freelance in my free time and complete surveys [though these don’t bring me close to the amount needed per month]. My greatest problem however is motivation. I’ve realized that being determined and motivated do not fit together nicely [as many would like to think]. I say this because I’m determined to do something with my time and I do accomplish some things but often I don’t feel motivated. [As if the weight of rejection from another potential job is beginning to take its toll on me mentally]. I feel [at times] that it’s all a waste of time….Understand that this realization comes to me as I sit on the earth of GA looking across to SC. I’m surprised that I feel this way and I do not believe I ever would have realized it sitting in my white walled prison trying to motivate myself.

That’s why it is important to have people around who can motivate you; people who understand your dream and goals and simply will not say “do something else; it’s all money”. I hate that truth for the lie that it is to me. It’s true because the result of the work [performed at the job] is money. However it is a lie because it places me in a job that I will never love [or respect]. I believe if money is the sole reason why you’re pursuing a job or career then you’re a damned fool. [I don’t have other obligations such as kids to be concerned with so the pressure of accepting a job outside of my career is not high].

I’ve known ever since I was in fourth grade that my career path salary was not high on the totem pole yet that never swayed me. I want to love what I do and do what I love….I’ve started rambling I see. A thousand apologies. My pen got carried away…

Before I forget self-motivation is possible though it can only take us so far. It is a necessary strength, however. Perhaps though I shouldn’t call it self-motivation because God motivates me [and reminds me] He’s the reason for my continued sanity [and continued drive to want to succeed]. As I cease writing this I question why I ever felt discouraged in the first place. I realize I just needed to be reminded of a few things. =)

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